Sunday, November 25, 2012

How to Turn a Costco Trip Into a Marriage Proposal

My name is Yetisaurus, and I'm an addict.

*Hi, Yetisaurus*

I have a Costco addiction.  (In addition to my previously mentioned Amazon addiction.)  It's so bad that my friend Kung Fu Panda said that if Amazon and Costco ever went out of business, he'd have to put me on suicide watch.

My whole family is addicted to Costco, though, so it's not entirely my fault.  When I go visit my aunt and uncle in Arizona, their pantry looks exactly like mine, which looks exactly like my mother's, and both of my sisters'.  Our houses are basically sponsored by Kirkland, except that we paid for it all.

So yesterday I was running through Costco to pick up a few things.  (Literally just an hour after doing some Amazon shopping.  Sigh.)  The Count is out of town this weekend, playing shows in Washington and Oregon.  No joke, he's passing through Kirkland, WA.  The motherland.  I hope he brings me back a souvenir.  Like my own Costco.  That would be great.

Anyway, so the Count texted and asked if I was having a nice day off.  I told him it was pretty good, and that I was running through Costco to get a few things. 

Count:  You are not in Costcooooo.  Step away from the Costco.  Unmarried peeps are not allowed to go. 
Me: What? Who says?  If that's your way of proposing to me...I ACCEPT.
(Awkward silence)
Me: Just kidding.  I swear it was just a joke.  You can laugh.

Me: And before you ask, it is totally not too early for a wreath
Count:  You have to take my pumpkin away before you are allowed to get a wreath.  (Note: I also made him put a pumpkin on his porch, despite his protests.)
Me: OK.  Does this mean I can buy a wreath for your house, too?!
Me: If you don't respond ASAP on the wreath, I'm buying you one, too.  
Me (again): I'm standing here right now.  Silence equals consent.

Count: Noooo.  Step away from the Costco
Me: It smells so preeeeety.  Pleeeeease?
Me (again): OK, we'll compromise.  I won't hang it up in your house.  I'll just wear it as a necklace every time I'm over there.  It's only $16.  By buying each of us a wreath instead of me buying a whole tree for myself, we're actually SAVING money.
Count: Photo.  I need to see a photo even though the answer is a thousand times no.
Me:  What you can't see in the photo is the SMELL.  It's GLORIOUS! 
(Long pause)
Me: (singsong voice) I'm heading to the registerrrrr!  With TWO wreaths!
Count: Costco police arrest.  Flag.  Tackle.
Me: There's nothing happening.  No police, no football players.  Weird.  It's almost like destiny WANTS me to get these wreaths.
Count: You gonna get it.  Lucyyyyyy
Me: Heeheehee.  Just think of where you want to hang the wreath.

Oh, and I also bought this gem at Costco.  Isn't it awesome?  I can't believe they mistakenly put it in the juvenile section.


  1. If the count does buy you a Costco I want to work there. I can fold the towels.

    1. Oh, God, that would be my dream. Let's both work at Costco together. I smell a sitcom.

  2. PS. The wreath is ring like... so technically, I think champagne is in order. Tell the Count I am so happy about his new engagement!

    1. I'll be sure to let him know. As soon as I finish vacuuming up the pine needles. STILL WORTH IT!

  3. I wish you would write something, as I nominated you for a Liebster award.

    1. I'm sorry. I've been so distracted with other things lately. I promise to get back on it. Starting with responding to the Liebster award. Thank you!